My Experience Caring for a Cancer Patient
-- Cameron Von St. James
Frequently, my wife has mentioned that she cannot imagine what I went through after she was diagnosed with mesothelioma. Only once have I shared my real experience as a caregiver with her, but now I hope to share more with her, and anyone else currently struggling through a similar situation.
Frequently, my wife has mentioned that she cannot imagine what I went through after she was diagnosed with mesothelioma. Only once have I shared my real experience as a caregiver with her, but now I hope to share more with her, and anyone else currently struggling through a similar situation.
Only three months before her diagnosis, we celebrated the birth of our daughter, Lily. This time of great joy was soon followed by a period of fear and confusion. I distinctly remember hearing the word "mesothelioma" for the first time from the doctors. My wife cried as I looked into her eyes wondering, "How are we ever going to get through this?"
I wasn't even thinking clearly, but then the doctor’s questions about medical decisions brought me back to earth. This was only the first of many times where my emotions would overpower me, and I would be required to make difficult life decisions with my partner.
Soon after she was diagnosed, I was so scared and so full of anger. Many days went by when I could only communicate through the use of profanity. As time progressed, I got a better grip over my emotions. I knew that I would need to remain strong for my wife and daughter because they needed me. Sure, I had my moments, but I remained strong when I was around my wife. I never wanted her to know how scared I was. I had to remain her rock and a source of positivity. Of course, this is easier said than done.
As the days progressed, I found myself with massive to-do lists. I had to care for our daughter and pets, make work and travel arrangements and so forth. Soon, I learned the importance of prioritizing and focusing on the most important things first. When people offered help, I took it, and so many wonderful people did help us. Without these people, I don't know where I would be. Still though, I felt overwhelmed by the situation.
Heather has said that she cannot even imagine what I went through for a particular two-month period. Right after her surgery in Boston, she flew to South Dakota where Lily had been staying with Heather’s parents. She wanted to recover and get prepared for the next phase of mesothelioma treatment, chemotherapy and radiation. During this period of time, I saw Heather and Lily only once.
One Friday after work, I drove 11 hours through the night to see them in a snowstorm. For a few hours, I slept in the car hoping that the snowplows would have cleared the roads by the time I awakened. By the time of my arrival on Saturday morning, I was exhausted. I spent time with them on Saturday and Sunday, and then I hopped in the car to drive 11 hours back for work on Monday morning.
I cannot look at this time as a loss. It was the best choice for the time. I couldn't take care of Lily and work at the same time, and I do not regret this decision, as much as I missed them. It was simply what needed to be done. Yes, the diagnosis forced us to make choices, but we still had the capability to make them. From this experience, I learned that I need to accept offers of help from others and that the ability to make choices gives us some control in times of chaos. Through all of our struggles, Heather is still here and still healthy over six years later. I hope that our story can be a source of hope and help to those currently battling cancer.
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Visit Cameron's blog site
for additional info on
mesothelioma.
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Blessed and praying blessings for you today.
genam44@charter.net
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