Saturday Morning

My first week of 'basic isolation' went pretty well.  <smile>  I got a few phone calls, texts and emails that helped me know folks were still out there. <smile>  I was able to work all week and get so much accomplished.  I have the same hours here as I do when I'm in the office - 7:00 to 3:30.  When 3:30 rolls around, the laptop is put away safely for the next day.  I need to get a few things from the office so I will go up there this weekend while no one is there.  I miss my co-workers and the hub-bub of the office but I know I'll be back among them before too long.

I feel good and my appetite is good.  My weight has maintained through this whole surgery and chemo treatment so far.  Last year around February I think, I joined Weight Watchers and lost the 17 pounds that had sneaked up on me.  I reached Lifetime member at WW.  My goal is to begin doing some sort of exercise since being under the care of Linda, my lymphedema therapist.  She has been so informative about all phases of  lyphedema 'do's and don't's' and I am so thankful God put her in my life.  I miss my exercise but she's given me the go-ahead for light exercise.

I mentioned Thursday in my post about the book, A Good Day Anyway, I received in the mail from A.G.  I want to share the Afterword from Mr. Massey, primarily the way a cancer patient feels and unless you have had the disease, it is hard to comprehend these feelings ... and know I do not want anyone to ever have to go through this just to comprehend.  Mr. Massey writes in his Afterword of the book ....

Cancer undoubtedly has an affect on everyone it touches.  The lives of the patients, loved ones, and friends are forever changed.  How cancer changes each of us is different.  During my first battle with cancer, my daughter, Amber was just nine months old.  I was determined to beat the cancer and be there for her in the years to come.  Amber and I were best friends as she grew up.  I took her to her first day of school and to all the activities she was involved in.  


Amber was eleven when I learned I had cancer again.  The odds were not in my favor and this news hit her very hard.  As the treatment went on and I looked worse and worse, both Amber and her mother started to slowly distance themselves from me.  They each admitted to me after I had beaten the cancer, that they had not expected me to make it.  The emotional separation was a defense mechanism to lessen the blow of my death when it came.  I know they were trying to protect their feelings, but is was extremely difficult for me.  


Having cancer a second time changed me too.  I had survived, and I knew that I couldn't afford to have cancer again.  Major lifestyle adjustments, including my diet, exercise and attitude were essential for my continued existence.  These were not easy for my family and made the emotional struggles we were already having even more complicated.


Eventually these struggles took their toll.  I beat the cancer, but lost my family.  My wife and I divorced and my daughter chose to live with her mother.  I was extremely lonely for several years after the divorce.


On the surface, I was doing everything right.  I continued to live a healthy life.  I didn't need or want any unnecessary possessions.  But inside I felt that no one would ever be able to understand me.  Most people just don't comprehend the special ingredient that makes life meaningful for me.  I was fully prepared to live out my days alone, but life had other plans for me.


Three years ago, I met someone that lived life the same way I did.  This amazing person is now my wife.  The first time Karen and I had a conversation, I knew she "got it."  She knew exactly how I felt on every aspect of life, because she felt the same way.  Karen survived childhood leukemia and a horrible car accident as a teenager.  She also values a healthy lifestyle. We both know that we are fortunate to be alive and strive to put gratitude first in everything we do.


We have been married for over a year and I have never been so happy.  Amber is grown now and chooses not to be in my life.  I know a time will come when we will be able to sort out our differences.  Until then, I want her to know that I will always love her and I am grateful for her.  She is the reason  these poems exist.  She is the reason I still exist.


I believe everything happens for a reason.  and I know that what my mother has told me since I was a child is true.  "No matter how bad things seem to be, they always will work out."


So what does Mr. Massey's Afterword of his book mean to me?  While his cancer was very severe and I praise God that he survived not once but twice ... I get it.  I get the healthy lifestyle ... eating, exercise, attitude.  I have been a semi-health nut for most of my life but having cancer drives this inside your being even more.  I have always been thankful for my health and the ability to do the many things I do.  When cancer struck my body, my determination kicked in even more.  My heart aches as I see many who chose to abuse their bodies with smoking, alcohol, over eating, prescription drugs, street drugs, an inactive lifestyle, etc.   Why?  Your body is a temple of God.  If God walked up to you today and said, "So and so, why are you abusing the body that I gave you?"  What would you say?  As you read this, you probably think I've lost my last marble but trust me I haven't.  I know exactly what I'm saying and why I'm saying it.  Your health is so important and your body was not meant for abuse.  Take care of it.  It is the only body you will ever have.  Don't wait until it's too late and you hear those words, "you have cancer (or something else)" and say "Boy, how I wished I had taken better care of myself."  Start today.  The end result will be well worth the effort.

Every week I receive an email newsletter from Sheree at Joan Katz Breast Center located in Baylor-All Saints Hospital.  Sheree is a jewel and I know God put her where she is because she is such a wonderful Christian lady who loves people.  Yesterday she shared the following...

Glenda Brooks is our counselor and she is also one of the most disciplined people I have ever known. She shared with me a song called “I’m Gonna Shine” by Maurice Chevalier. It is a wonderful and upbeat song. She said that she plays it every morning and it is simply impossible to have a bad attitude after listening to that song! So, I put it on my iPod and I have listened to it on the way to work every day this week and she is so right! It is impossible to have a bad attitude when listening to that song! The words are great and his French accent make it so much better!!

My friends, whatever your lot in life. Rich, poor, tall, short, sick, healthy, male, female…don’t let your attitude be your handicap! Make up your mind to shine today and everyday! Listen to Maurice and you cannot help but smile!!!

I'm Gonna Shine
This morning when I woke up, I said to myself, I’m gonna shine, I’m gonna shine today.

Made up my mind I’m gonna shine today.

I’m feeling fit and in condition

I’ve got a sunny disposition

I’m gonna walk to work across the park

Even though the skies are dark and gray

No matter what the sun is doing, I’m gonna shine today1

I’m gonna shine I’m gonna shine today.

I feel so fine I’m gonna shine today

When rainy weather comes a streaming

Just look at me and I’ll be beaming

I’m gonna shine I’m gonna shine today

I’m gonna laugh and smile the time away

Exactly like it was a holiday

No matter what the sun is doing I’m gonna shine today

I’m all lit up inside and glowing

So full of cheer I’m overflowing

As far as I’m concerned it’s blue above

The weather’s lovely and the month is May

No matter what the sun is doing I’m gonna shine today

I’m gonna shine made up my mind

I’m gonna shine, I’m gonna shine today!!!

Here is the YouTube link if you wish to listen to the song.  It will make you happy.   
(NOTE:  Pat, it's ok to click on this link, I promise.  <smile>) 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaaapzjJmMY

I pray for you today if you are fighting one of the demons I mentioned above.  I pray that God will lessen the pull of the drugs, cigarettes, eating habits, etc so that you can get on a healthy road for living.  The efforts and struggles will be well worth the end result.

Prayer Request:
*  Round 4 of chemo on Monday ... I will have only two left.  Exciting!
*  Fever doesn't get in the way of the chemo.  Had low grade three days this week.
*  Anyone who heard the words "you have cancer" this week.  They need our prayers.

Praises:
*  My family
*  My friends
*  Feeling good
*  My life

Praising my God and Holding His Hand.

 genam44@charter.net