Appearance Isn't Everything ....

"Appearance isn't everything" can have several meanings.  The context I'm using it in parallels another saying ... you can't judge a book by it's cover.  We all have a tendency to do this and I find it happening with myself as I am now finished with my chemo and feeling so much better (Praise the Lord), people look at me and have said ... you're finished with chemo and now you're back to normal.  First of all, my life will never be the normal that I once knew and how thankful I am for that.  Second, if someone has not been through chemo, they do not realize the extreme toll it takes on your body.  (My prayer is that eventually no one will have to take chemo drugs.)  I must tell you that I look the same, well I don't have much hair yet, but physically I am getting around great. I talk and laugh and feel good.  The part that people do not understand when they look at me is when the fatigue catches up with me by the afternoon and early evening and I run out of energy.  In the book I am reading, After Breast Cancer, A Common Sense Guide to Life After Treatment, explains how you do not get over months of chemo in a week or two. This book was written by a woman who experienced breast cancer twice.  It has been extremely helpful for me dealing with my own feelings about my energy and other things in life, as well as, trying to explain to others about what is happening with my body.  Thank you to my survivor sister, Elizabeth, for suggesting I get this book.  If there are any survivor sisters reading my blog, I suggest you get this book.  Here's a link to Amazon ...
 http://www.amazon.com/After-Breast-Cancer-Common-Sense-Treatment/dp/0553384252/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1332587855&sr=1-1

The weather yesterday was just beautiful.  After work I wanted to work in my yard and try to get it tidied up.  It needed mowing, weed eated (literally I've been invaded by weeds), and edges.  I am able to use the weed eater with  no problem.  Remember I still have my port and then there is always the ever present thoughts of lymphedema invading my left arm where the 16 lymph nodes were removed.  Once I got the front and back yard weed eated and edged, I had a dilemma ... how to start the mower.  I usually use my right arm to start the mower but that's where the port is and I am not taking any chances of disrupting that tube that is sewn in to my vena cava artery and I didn't want the trauma for my left arm because trauma can cause lymphedema so there I sat in my garage just staring at my mower.  My next door neighbor was home but he didn't answer when I called.  A couple guys down the street were home but I didn't really want to ask them so that left my neighbor, Carla.  She is off on Friday afternoons and is always willing to help anyone.  I called and ask her if she could help me and here she came.  I was a little apprehensive about the mower starting since it had not been used since last year before my surgery (October 18) and also it had been stored on the back porch all winter (boy, how I need a storage building ... that's another post).  Praise the Lord ... it started on the third pull.  It is self-propelled, of course, so that makes it easier but by the time I got finished, I had rubber legs and my face was beet red.  Carla stayed and sat in the garage while I mowed which I was really happy about.  After I got finished, I got some water and we chatted for a while.  As we chatted, the tears began to flow as I tried to explain to her how I feel helpless at times.  It wasn't a pity party by any means but a life reality for me right now.  I've never had anyone have to come help me start my mower so yesterday was my first and I'm sure until I get my port out ... there will be other times.  Thank you Carla for helping me and being my partner in crime to get my yard done.  I was exhausted last night after an extremely busy day at work and then getting my yard done.

When Alicia and Madelyn got home yesterday, I got to take Madelyn out in the backyard to explore.  She doesn't leave anything unexplored.  She samples every bit of dirt in my planters, tries to climb into the garden beds, picks up river rocks and relocates them, and loves for some reason to walk right where there is no grass but plenty of wet dirt.  Anyway as Madelyn was exploring, I looked around at all the trees budding out and the grass that is turning green again (hence my needing to mow), all the plants I have in my garden beds and the beautiful little chickadees visiting my bird feeders.  They are so beautiful and when one comes to the feeders, there are several.

When these little birds fly, they have a wave type flight pattern.  Almost like they are riding a roller coaster without the tracks.  Watching these as well as all birds that visit my feeders, I am reminded once again of God's love and words ...  Matthew 6:26 ... "Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in bards, and yet our Heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?"  Think about it ... we are much more important to God than the birds, yet they are provided for.  Before cancer, these things I noticed but not to the degree I notice them now.  I have a greater degree of 'notice' now ... may I suggest you take a longer look at things such as the trees and grass, birds and butterflies and see the beauty and never ever take these things for granted.  P. S. I caught the grackles ripping the lower limbs off my tomato plants this week ... I didn't like that.  Shoo grackles shoo!

Something that has weighed on my conscience for a while is the time I spend on Facebook.  I have decided to take a sabbatical from it and spend more time doing things that matter.  If we all spent as much time studying God's word, praying, doing things for others as we do on Facebook, there would be much more meaning in our lives.

Praises:
*  God continues to work in my life and guide me as to what He wants me to do and where He wants me to be.
*  The many opportunities that I have had to share my God and my journey through this blog.  Having no hair, opens a door of opportunity that is amazing how many people I have gotten to share not only my journey but my awesome God.  I have given out almost 100 of the cards I had printed for my blog.  
Thank you Lord for no hair ... it has been a blessing.
*  Good energy and feeling better.
*  Great family and friends.
*  Energy to mow my yard and have gardens this year.
*  Getting stronger every day.
*  Opportunity to share my journey on this blog.
*  Upcoming arrival of my third grandbaby.

Prayer Requests:
*  My sister survivor friends and all those who still face future chemo treatments.  Pray for their strength and the ability to hang on and know the end is in site.
*  Those diagnosed with a debilitating disease and not sure what their future holds.

Blessed and praying blessings on you ... this beautiful Saturday that God has provided.

genam44@charter.net