Pondering ... Thinking ... Praying ... Praising !!!

I have so much to Praise our awesome Lord for today.  Both my nephews made it back to their home towns after our wonderful visit last week.  Justin drives about 14 hours to get back to Florida and Travis has about a three hour trip back to College Station.  Thank you Lord for their safe travels.

Yesterday my friend, Judy, completed the first of 12 rounds of chemo that she will have to take.  If you recall, I ask for prayer for her several weeks ago.  She originally had a lumpectomy with hopes of just having radiation.  After the pathology reports returned from the lumpectomy, the cancer was more aggressive than originally thought so a full mastectomy was in order.  If memory recalls, the doctors took 27 lymph nodes and 15 of them were affected with the cancer.  Her doctor is aggressively attacking the cancer with the first four rounds of chemo and then will lighten it up after that.  My prayer is that Judy's body can handle the aggressive attack of the chemo and gets through this part of her treatment without incidence.  Judy got a negative report from the PET Scan which means there was no other cancer detected in her body .. Praise the Lord.  Praising God for Judy and her family.

My skin on my face has changed quite a bit during my journey.  I have always had fairly dry skin but it seems my face is now producing a lot of oil which causes clogged pores and almost an acne type skin condition.  For months now I have experienced white head type pumps which is clogged oil ducts (I think).  I have used Mary Kay products for about 12 years and have always used the products for dry skin and it has worked well.  Not sure now if that is the best.  I am doing something that I know I probably shouldn't ... using alcohol as an astrigent ... however, it seems to be drying up the white head bumps some.  Since I am still not going to the office, I am leaving my foundation off and letting my skin have access to air.  I would be interested in hearing from anyone who has gone through cancer treatments as to whether your skin has changed.

Last week at this time (Tuesday) I was in the hospital after my Monday surgery.  I am truly glad that this surgery is behind me and I can continue to heal and move forward.  The surgery was a little more than I ever knew it would be ... duhhhhh what was I thinking?  Obviously I wasn't thinking much.  I had figured I would be back and ready to go to work after a couple weeks ... not sure about that.  Something I didn't figure on was having to put anything but a stretchy fabric across my stomach.  The surgery to remove my ovaries was laparascopic (three small incisions in the abdominal area) and the cervix and uterus was removed vaginally.  My lower abdomen area is sore ... I am realizing that this surgery is a little more than just zip zip zip and you're done.  All the healing takes place on the inside so it takes longer.  God continues working on my patience with the healing process.  Praising God that I am healing and feeling so much better than last week.

A hard part of this journey for me has been having to be dependent on others.  If you know me, you know that I am a get-up and go kind of gal and get things done pretty much on my own.  Currently I am having to ask for help doing the slightest little thing like emptying the trash.  It is hard for me and I feel like people get tired of me asking.  I would encourage you as a care-giver/supporter/friend to understand that we (the survivor) do not like the fact that our 'independence' has been taken away even for a short time while we heal.  We (the survivor) want to have the life of being able to do what we were doing before our diagnosis and surgery, treatment, other surgery but we have been side-lined.  This was not our choice ... we didn't get to chose not to have cancer, it attacked us.  Please be patient as we ask for help or get a little cranky because we cannot do things that we've always done.  We do not like this station in our life any more than anyone else does but currently our ship is docked at this station and we are not able to sail on our own.  I know that I will get back to normal and be able to do for myself soon enough and I keep that vision in my sites.  I lean on my awesome God to get me through these down times and give me patience and strength to endure.  Praising God for His awesome love and the arms He wraps around me when I otherwise feel like a burden.

The tomato plants are gone ... they have been pulled up.  I was amazed that the tomato plants root base was no deeper than about 5-6 inches.  They were very shallow rooted.  I felt kind of sorry for them as they were being pulled up because they came, they grew, they brought wonderful plentiful fruit and now their life is over.  This life cycle reminds me of the saying about people coming into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime ... these plants were only meant to be here for a season.  The plants came and grew, I learned from them (what to do and not to do), they brought an amazing amount of peace and so much joy.  Their season is over now ... I am thankful God allowed me this growing season and all the fruit that they produced.  Praising God that back in March during a cold rainy season, my brother built my raised garden boxes and set them in the ground for me and my sister and daughter, Alicia, helped me get the soil in the boxes and plant the tomato plants.  Remembering about this experience ... it was not easy as I was still going through chemo but it was worth every ounce of energy that went in to the gardens.  Thank you Lord for the experience of my first gardens and prayerfully I will have many more in the future.

Above:  Beautiful flowers I received yesterday from
my sweet friend at work, Bernard.  Thank you so much.
A bright spot in a day of healing.  

Above:  Recently I mentioned the Vermont Teddy
Bear that I received from my long-time friend, Fred.
Isn't she the cutest?  Look on the right side under
her arm ... see the little blue packet?  Those are
wonderful soft caramels.  Yummo!  P. S. I had
to use Tootie as a prop to hold the little bear up.

I am extremely blessed and very thankful to be where I am in my journey.  When I woke this morning, I was thinking about how long I have been on this journey.  As of July 15, my journey will have gone on for 10 months ... that is almost an entire year.  I recall that fateful day ... September 15, 2011 ... when I read the diagnosis on the pathology report that was attached to front of my patient folder as I sat waiting on the doctor.  I see myself sitting there alone in the waiting area ... seeing the word ... carcinoma on the pathology report ... throwing the folder down beside me as if it had a snake in it ... starring into space ... picking the folder back up to read more ... the report read that both breasts had cancer ... my heart beating out of  my chest ... my world spinning ... my cries out to God ... sadness ... fear ... the unknown ... my daughters ... my grandbabies ... my sister ... my brother ... my nieces and nephews ...  LIFE ... LIVING ... so many things that bounces through someone's mind after finding out the diagnosis of cancer (or any other dreadful disease).  It's real ... it's all real ...   I praise God today that He covered my fears, He grabbed my heart and kept it in my chest, He stopped my world from spinning out of control ... He took hold of me and has held on to me and never let me go.  Thank you Father for your enduring love that has brought me  ... Gena Morrison ... this far down my journey of this disease called .... cancer.

Blessed and praying blessings for you today.  God is good ... He never leaves us ... He walks beside us and carries us ... He knows what today holds ... He is my ALL.

One last thing ... Happy Birthday to my precious Mother-in-Law, Clara Morrison.  She turns 94 years old today.  Love love love this woman.

gkmorrison12@gmail.com