Texas Heat and Other Ramblings ...

The steroids have kicked in full force attacking the inflammation in my lung and also causing my face to be firey red and burn.  I am so thankful to be feeling better this morning and am thankful that I can take in a deep breath without as much pain in my lung.  Praise the Lord.  I know this latest hurdle is temporary and I am so thankful for that.  I believe that while I continue to build my body up physically there are still things I must keep in check.  Stress … honestly there is nothing good that can come from stress.  It affects our bodies in such a negative way.  I promised myself when I returned to work after my surgery and treatments that I would not allow my job to stress me out.  I will be promising myself that once again.  I, like you reading this, want good health and the ability to feel good and my plan is to stay healthy.  This in no way means I will not care about my job, it means I chose to take care of me.  We all have that option whether it is work stress or personal life stress … we make the choice.  I chose life … how about you? 

Since I am homebound for the week and resting, I have a lot of time on my hands.  The steroids kept me awake yesterday but I continued to rest a lot. The ePad (you read that right … Asus ePad not iPad)  I bought while I was taking chemo got a work out yesterday.  Yeppers, caught up on all my blogs that I read, searched various other blog sites and added those to the collection, checked Facebook a jillion times along with Twitter all the while watching the Olympics.  I decided about 12:45pm that I needed some lunch, even though I was not hungry due to the steroids, so I popped one of those single serving bags of popcorn and drank a 7-up and finished it off with the last two steroids for the day.  Good meal I would say. 

The heat is up outside and consequently my blinds and doors are closed.  I feel like I am sitting in a dungeon or cave.  In an effort to conserve air conditioning and electricity, we open the blinds in the morning before the heat rises to 100+ and before mid-day try to ensure all the blinds are closed.  I really dislike being in the darkened house, however, being in a cool house right now is more important.  It is a temporary darkness and I know we will make it through.  I would much rather be in the dark physically while I am keeping the Texas heat out than to be in the darkness and not know our awesome God. 

After watching the U.S. gymnast, Jordyn Weiber, there was a lesson that can be learned.  Jordyn’s minor bobble on the balance beam combined with a small misstep out of bounds on her floor exercise cost her a spot in the individual all around competition for a gold.  It makes one stop and think about how many bobbles that happen to me daily yet I am still on God’s team.  My daily bobbles do not affect my standing with God and how thankful I am about that.  When our days on earth are over, Jesus will be standing at the finish line when we arrive … clapping and singing and saying welcome home my child. 

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Blessed and praying blessings for you today.  

gkmorrison12@gmail.com

What A Wonderful World ...

Tuesday I had the privilege of attending the first Cancer Survivors and Caregivers Luncheon hosted by Mary and Dick Lowe at Baylor All Saints Medical Center in Fort Worth.  It was a wonderful time.  There were tables set up that we visited before the lunch began.  We chatted with women I have met along my journey.  These women are all breast cancer survivors and such an inspiration to me... just their very presence has inspired me.  I met new friends and was able to share my blog so the information can reach as many as possible.  I continue to Praise my awesome Lord for all that He has provided me.

Above:  Alverna, my friend and adopted sister
accompanied me to the lunch.  She looked absolutely
beautiful.  If you remember, Alverna took me to
all my chemo treatments.  When I started
chemo, she helped me make it through many days by
bringing me groceries that I thought I could eat, fixing me
food, calling and checking on me.  Thank you does not
seem to be enough for her support during those difficult
days when my family could not be with me.  

Above:  One of the most wonderful things that
Alverna and I got to experience was a chair massage.
Joni was the massage therapist and might I tell you,
that she was wonderful.  For all that Alverna does
for her family and friends, she deserves a much longer
massage than five minutes.  

Above:  Everyone was assigned a table and we were at
 table 17.   We were seated with others who had the same
type cancer as me.  I was the recipient at our table of
the beautiful hydrangeas 

Above:  Looking across the area.

Above:  The speaker is Sherree Bennett,
the sweetest lady you will ever meet.  I met with
Sherree before my journey began.  

Above:  The North Texas Laryngectomy Society Choir
graced us with the song...
What a Wonderful World.
It was so emotional for me.  I watched this group of
five who fought throat cancer and won.  Here they are here today,
pressing the buttons on their necks singing.  They were truly a blessing.

Above:  Dr. Alan Johns, Survivor and Author
of "The Lump".  A man's journey through
breast cancer.

Above:  The incredible Joan Katz herself.
Three time breast cancer survivor and one time
bladder cancer survivor.  She was an incredible speaker
with so many inspiring words.  Her topic ...
We Have, We Will and We Can ...

I forgot my real camera and was using the camera on my cell phone.  I just had to have pictures so I could share on here although they are not the best.

Sherree reminded us 'not to waste our cancer'.  I knew early on that I was not going to waste the opportunity to 1) share my awesome Lord and 2) make available as much knowledge as I possibly could to other women and men regarding breast cancer and treatment.  God has provided many open doors for me in both areas and I always take the opportunity He gives me.  My passion is to share Him with others as I do not know how anyone could walk this journey without Him.  And I love being able to educate women in all aspects of this disease.  I will continue this until the day the Lord calls me home as I know I am doing what He wants me to do.

At the end of the luncheon, Sherree announced that the newest diagnosed person at the table would get the potted hydrangeas and at our table that was me.  You might have guessed it ... and I'll admit it ....
I cried.  I have come so far since my diagnosis on September 15, 2011, but my emotions continue to run very high when I think about the love and support that I have received.  People say that my words bless them ... I say that I am the one that is blessed.

Cancer and cancer treatment is a journey.  The journey we would not have chosen to take but some of us have to.  Attitude is so important when dealing with this dreadful disease and it's dreadful treatment but if you look around at all you have, you will see the blessings as you go through.  Hold on to your
HOPE ...

2 Corinthians 4:16-18  So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Do not allow anything to steal your HOPE ... not even cancer.  Cancer put a bump in my road, a mere detour but it will not steal my HOPE, my FAITH, my LOVE, or my JOY.  

Blessed and praying blessings for all.

gkmorrison12@gmail.com

Quick Update ... more to come!

Life has become rather busy for me.  I'm thankful for feeling great and being able to do my 'normal' activities again.  I miss being able to write my blog but please stay with me as I've got lots of really neat things to share.  In the meantime, I took pictures of my gardens and my flowers ... enjoy and I will be sharing much more this evening.

Only God can make flowers and trees ...

He put me in charge of seeds and weeds.

Blessings!

Above:  The trellis by the patio and the two
big planters of zinnias.  Little pot has a rosemary
twig growing in it.

Above:  Relocated my hummingbird feeders.

Above:  I love my zinnias are blooming.

Above:  Just planted sunflower seeds in this
big planter.  they are coming up.  

Above:  Trumpet vines that I got from Bonnie
and Buddy's house.  Was trying to root them
but I think they have croaked. 

Above:  Old wagon with rose moss.  The rose
moss has hung on for about 3 years now.

Above:  Trellis that sits with the herbs and
peppers.  

Above:  Herbs

Above:  Jalepeno peppers ... they are HOT!

Above:  The jalepeno pepper plant that little
bunny Fu Fu demolished is coming back.

Above:  Trellis by the tomato garden.

Above:  I love all the tomatoes.

Above:  Back fence trellis'.  Morning Glories
in the middle and Hyacinth Beans on each
side.

Above:  The mimosa tree that was planted early
spring.  

Above:   A look back .... 

Above:  Morning Glories coming up on one
side of the arbor trellis.

Above:  Hyacinth Bean coming up on the
other side of the arbor trellis.

Above:  Alyssum (baby's breath) around the
red bell pepper plants that my neighbor
gave me when they were mere seedlings.

Above:  Front flower bed.  Elephant ears
are thriving.  

Above:  So glad today is the day that Justin comes to mow.
I love the fact that my St. Augustine grass is thriving. 

I hope you enjoyed the pictures.  I love sharing my gardens and I Praise the Lord when I go outside every time that God gave me enough energy in early spring before I finished chemo to get my gardens put together and get them planted.

Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name.—Hebrews 13:15

Another update coming this evening ... in the meantime, keep a smile on your face, offer a smile to someone without one and talk to our precious Lord.  He loves to hear from you.

Blessed and praying blessings for you.  

gkmorrison12@gmail.com

Shower or Sprinkle ???

Saturday morning was spent cleaning the house.  I am happy to report that between Alicia and I, everything got swept, vacummed, and dusted.  Praise the Lord

Yesterday afternoon some of Bonnie's friends and family gave her and Buddy a 'sprinkle' for the new baby.  A sprinkle is a mild version of a shower ... great idea.  Long time good friends, Bruce and Greta, were there and we got to catch up.  There was a cook-out and it was lots of fun.  The grand babies got to play in the water and they loved it.  I, of course, had to take some video and, of course, have to share with you all.  I cannot wait for grand baby number 3 to get here.

Praises:
*  The awesomeness of being a Grammy.
*  Seeing good friends and getting to catch up yesterday.
*  Getting to paint my toe nails again.  It's been eight months.  Medical reasons for not.
*  Watching my garden grow.
*  My new sprinkler system that I devised.  <smile>
*  So many more things that I am thankful for.

Prayer Requests:
*  Long time friend who has been diagnosed with early state invasive ductal carcinoma.  She will have a lumpectomy on Thursday and if there is no lymph node invasion, she will only have to take radiation.
*  My survivor sister, Wendi T. who continues to struggle with her final rounds of Taxol chemo.
*  My friend, Patti, as she continues to heal from a stomach issue she has had.
*  I have developed a rash in the top part of my radiation area.  It itches.  I pray this nothing so that I can get finished with the radiation treatments on time ... before my grandbaby #3 is born.
*  All those diagnosed with a dreadful disease.

Blessed and praying many blessings for you today.
gkmorrison12@gmail.com

Bald and Bold ... sort of!

Bald women are brave,

Brave bald women have courage,

Courageous brave bald women ...

Are given their strength by God.

Amen.

*************
A funny story ... I went outside Wednesday afternoon to water the garden.  I believe that every gnat that was within miles decided to visit my backyard that afternoon just so they could buzz by my ears and sting them.  I shooshed more gnats away that day than ever and by the time I got in the house, my ears were blazing red and hot from all the stinging and shooshing.  <smile>

*************

I never in a million years thought I would ever be bald.  Bald happened to other women ... you know the one's that got breast cancer and had to take chemo.  My heart was always with those women.  Then one day ... I was bald.  Being bald for the most part (once I got accustomed to it) hasn't bothered me.  It has actually been a blessing in so many ways.  Those mornings I got up after a round of chemo and didn't feel like doing anything ... I didn't have to worry about my hair.  If I get cold, I put on a cap ... if I get hot, I take it off.  Being a bald woman has emotional ties to it no matter how you look at it, however, it is part of the chemo process and my hair will grow back.

Let me tell you how a bald woman feels and we do have feelings, feelings that run really deep.  I pray you never discount that fact when you see a bald woman.  Some women never get accustomed to being bald.  I had a survivor sister who told me that she could NOT look at herself in the mirror when she was bald.  She could not stand the fact that she had no hair.  I, personally, worked through the heart ache of losing my hair before I lost my hair.  I found a comfortable place  with my baldness and I feel I have a good attitude about it, however, that does not take the sting away when a person says catty remarks about my bald head.  

I walked in to a funeral this week and an acquaintance of mine threw up their arms and said, "Oh Gena, the glare is blinding me."  Very inappropriate, very hurtful and not funny at all.  I was taken aback actually and it really did hurt.  Let me make a suggestion to those who are reading this who have hair, if you do not know what to say to someone like me who is bald due to chemo, just do not say anything at all.  Talk to the person just like you would if they had hair.  My heart, my mind, my soul hasn't changed one bit only my appearance and that is temporary.

Dear Survivor Sisters ...  If you haven't lost your hair, most likely you will ... if you have lost your hair and are currently bald ... Remember, God gave us a special light that shines from our sweet bald heads that matches the halo our Angel has so she is able to find us easily.  God loves us just the way we are ... He doesn't care that we do not have hair and He would never want us hurt because of someone saying something inappropriate.  We have courage that not everyone has and He gave it to us.  Praise Him.

***********
I am currently going through another side effect of the chemo ... remember chemo does not immediately leave your body like so many think.  Remember in earlier posts how I mentioned that so many people thought just because I was finished 'taking' chemo, that I would go back to being the get up and go person I was before ... yes, I am much better now that chemo is finished but the side affects still happen.  For a couple of weeks now, I have been experiencing some pretty severe pain in my hips ... bones and muscle.  At first I thought I had just used some muscles in the Race for the Cure that I had not used in a while and the pain would stop.  It hasn't.  When I sit for short or long periods of time and get up, my hips hurt so bad it almost doubles me over.  To walk hurts, to lay in bed on my sides hurts.  I looked up the side affects once again of the Taxotere chemo drug and this is a side effect that can happen 1 to 3 months after finishing chemo.  I tell you that Taxotere is a trouble maker.  <smile>  I decided today I might should call The Center to ensure that this was really what was going on and it is. It's perfectly normal ... for a chemo patient.  I ask my dear sweet Helena, nurse practitioner, if I could take Advil and she said yes because I was no longer taking chemo.  Tonight before bed, I will take two Advil and see if that helps the terrible pain in my hips that wakes me every night.  Praise the Lord that this is normal and that it will end.

************
I hope your week went well and that you have a wonderful weekend.  I was planning to go fishing tomorrow at Lake Bridgeport but decided I better wait until I am finished with the antibiotics and get the stuffiness completely eliminated ... plus with my hips hurting so bad, I just didn't want to try it right now.

I am blessed tonight.  God has been so good to me ... it's amazing how He opens your eyes when you allow Him to do so.  Praising Him tremendously ...

Blessings sweet family and friends.


gkmorrison12@gmail.com

Radiation and Garden Update ... and more

Radiation is going well this week ... today was my 10 treatment and that means there are only 23 remaining treatments.  The radiation ends May 29 and my new grand baby is scheduled to be delivered May 30.  God is so good.  So now a  little more about my radiation treatments.  Have you ever heard a trainer tell someone they are training  ... Feel The Burn ... ?   I have a new take on that saying ... I am beginning to FEEL THE BURN.  The left side of my chest and under my left arm is where my radiation is applied.  Dr. C told me there would be a build up affect of the radiation and after about two weeks, I would begin feeling the results.  Well I am!  It's not bad though ... primarily tender.  I think I am more concerned with the fatigue the radiation can cause because that means my energy level drops and that does not make me happy because I like to have my energy.  I am not going to let it get me down though ... I made it through chemo, I can make it through radiation.

My garden is growing and growing.  I don't remember if I reported that I have cucumbers.  Little baby cucumbers.  They are funny looking when they start growing, matter of fact I didn't know that it was a cucumber, I thought it was part of the vine.  <smile>  ... well I've never grown cucumbers before.  My tomato plants are full of tomatoes.  I'm watching all my little darlings close because when they get a hint of red on them, I'm picking them to put in the kitchen window to ripen ... picking them to beat the mockingbirds from pecking them and ruining them for the rest of us.  <smile>  I love my birds but we may have to have a 'come to Jesus' meeting if they start pecking my tomatoes.  I have to admit that I have become very protective of my little garden.

I am happy to report that work is going well.  Might I add that by the end of the week, I'm exhausted.  I want to start walking again on a regular basis ... I need to start walking again ... it helps my energy level.  Note to self ... get up and get away from your desk and go walk.

One day at lunch I was able to listen to Pastor Robert Morris' sermon titled --- Ten Deadly Sins (with our mouth). If you have 30 minutes, take a listen ... http://gatewaypeople.com/sermons  God can only bless us if our mouths line up with His word.

I am having dinner with two sweet retired NWS friends tonight.  I can't wait. It will be good fellowship and food.

Closing today with a happy thankful heart.  In the past two days, God has provided me with more opportunities to share my journey about Him and my breast cancer journey.  My prayer is that people reading this blog, gain strength, comfort, knowledge and most of all that they know that they do not have to walk their journey alone.  God will walk with them just like He walks with me ... every day and every night ... through all my treatments, appointments, reports ... all of it ... He is with me.

Praises:
*  The love of my God.  No matter my circumstance, He never leaves me.
*  Opportunities provided this week to share my blog.
*  Feeling good.
*  Only 23 radiation treatments remaining.
*  Positive attitude.
*  Hearing from my survivor sisters this.  Lunch on Friday with one of them.
*  My new grand baby will be here before we know it.
*  So so much more.

Prayer Request:
*  One of my survivor sisters is still having some issues with her chemo.  Please pray for W. T.
*  Another survivor sister is taking early rounds of chemo.  Please pray for W. L.
*  Unspoken prayer request.  God knows.
*  Anyone recently diagnosed with breast cancer or another life changing disease.

Blessings!

gkmorrison12@gmail.com

Harboring vs Letting It Go !!!

Webster defines the word 1) 'harbor' (noun) a place of security and comfort; and 2) 'harbor' (verb)  a part of a body of water protected and deep enough to furnish anchorage.  Today I want to talk about the noun of 'harbor'.  Something that has weighed heavy on my mind since my diagnosis is how for many years and for whatever reason, I harbored ill feelings towards people who had hurt me or said something I didn't like or want to hear.  And now when I look at the definition of the word harbor as a noun, that means a place of security and comfort,  I ask myself, how in the world can harboring ill feelings towards someone mean a place of security and comfort?  Does it mean that if I do not let that person or persons who hurt me back in to my life that I have found security and comfort?  Has it made me feel better to continue holding a grudge because one time someone hurt me by what they said or didn't say, what they did or didn't do, excluded me from a function, etc?   Sometimes people do not know they have hurt us and yes, there are times that people do know they have but holding grudges only allows the devil to slip in and whisper in your ear ... 'remember when so and so said this or so and so did that ... remember how it made you feel'?  I say ... slap the devil off your shoulder and let it go.  The longer we hold a grudge, the harder it is to let it go.  

I have learned by acknowledging the issue, I have a choice to make ...  move forward or stay there harboring those ill feelings.  I have tried communicating with the person(s) whom I have been in conflict with and to understand the other persons point of view.  This didn't mean I had to agree with them but trying never hurts.  In the long run, does an apology make it better?  Aren't we just wanting the person to acknowledge our hurt feelings?  Often times I have discovered that the person I was in conflict with had moved on and never thought twice about the issue.  Holding on to a grudge, drains you physically and emotionally.  Rehashing the incident, I have found keeps the embers burning and those old hurt feelings resurface and the devil gets back up on my shoulder and whispers in my ear so that I continue to live the hurt over and over again.  Forgiveness sometimes is a hard thing to do especially if you have been deeply hurt but I believe that it is truly the only way to let go and have peace.

My story ....

I have a long time friend, a person I have known most of my life.  We started elementary school together and went all the way through graduation of high school and the years here after.  We  stayed in contact but were not shopping buddies or anything ... friends.   After my breast cancer diagnosis, I never heard from my friend.  Nothing!  Months later, I got a text message from this person that said something like ... I haven't bothered you through your whole ordeal but wanted you to know I have prayed for you.  Quite frankly I was hurt because I didn't know about your surgery until the day of.  My response was ...  REALLY?   I have been fighting for my life and you were HURT because you didn't know about my surgery?  Needless to say, I thought this was about the most selfish thing I had ever heard and I was upset and mad.  Oh you know what I'm talking about ... you have probably at one time or another had a similar reaction to something someone has said to you.  Side Note - When you are diagnosed with breast cancer, you really only want your immediate family to be there to talk to at the time.  Perhaps this person did not know that.  After much thought, I ask myself ... why am I harboring these ill feelings?  This person is a longtime friend and a friend of my family for many years.  So recently I let it go.  Does it take the sting away from what was said ... No ... but there's always bee balm to help that sting.  How can I not forgive when Jesus forgave me?  I do not have the energy to even 'want' to harbor ill feelings toward someone much less have the energy to 'do' it.  I know this person realized that perhaps what they said was hurtful and I know that they would not intentionally hurt me.  Praise the Lord that He alone has brought me to the place that I can forgive when someone upsets my little apple cart.  I do not like having ill feelings toward someone, it drags me down.  

So today ... I say if you are harboring ill feelings toward someone, let it go.  Bring back the peace and joy in your life.  Get rid of the emotional and physical strain on your health ... yes, these types of things bring your health down.  Knock that trouble making devil off your shoulder, step on him,  and move forward.  

I write with love and compassion as I walk the human walk just like you.  I am not exempt from hurt and pain but I can chose a different path on my life journey ... the path to 'let it go' in order to find the joy God intends for me to have.  I'm blessed and I know it.  God has taught me so much while on this journey ... I'm so thankful.

Matthew 6:14-15  "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But, if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

  

Blessings!  

gkmorrison12@gmail.com