A Little Lunch and A Lot of Chat ...

Friday I had lunch with one of my survivor sisters, Leslie and our mutual friend, Donna.  Such a small world sometimes ... I started chatting with Leslie one day during chemo and ask her where she worked.  She told me and I ask her if she knew Donna and to my surprise, it ended up they were best friends.  We were able to get together yesterday and catch up in many areas ... Leslie and I as well as Donna and I.  We met at B J Brewhouse by NE Mall ... really enjoyed my salad and all the chat.  Poor Donna was subjected to Leslie and I talking about cancer treatments, side affects, radiation, etc.  Dear Donna, if you read this blog ... please know that next time we will not talk about cancer and treatments.  It was a lovely lunch and being together was a blessing to me.

When I left lunch, I ran by Kohl's.  I had my 20% off coupon and a $10 in Kohl's cash that I found in Alicia's room.  I figured I would see what I could find and I haven't been shopping in a while.  As it turns out, I found some blouses and a wonderful pair of Skecher's sandals.  My feet aren't the best so it is a requirement that I buy good shoes.  Anyway ... I got to the check out and the young man rang me up and I handed him my Kohl's cash and 20% off coupon and he said why don't you pick one of these scratch offs and see if you get a 30% off.  I picked one and it was 15% off so I said ... Can I draw again?  He let me and another 15% off ... I laughed and said ... well you could combine them and make 30% off ... and HE DID.  So with my 30% off and my $10 Kohl's cash I had quite a lot taken off my purchase.

Not sure what today has in store ... whatever it is ... I'm up for it.  I got the house straightened and cleaned yesterday and all the laundry done.  I love my Friday's off.  What's on tap for your weekend?  Leave me a comment ...

A few pictures of what I saw this morning as I stepped out on the back patio.

Above:  A morning glory bloomed this morning
after the rains.  This is the trellis by the patio.

Above:  Left:  Herb and pepper garden.

Above:  Tomato garden in middle and cucumber squash bed on
right.

Above:  The fountain.

Above:  Trellis' along the back fence.

Above:  Official NWS rain gauge.  I think we got at least 4 inchs
of rain.  I had failed to empty the gauge from last shower.

Above:  Mimosa tree.

Praises:
*  My survivor sister, Judy, came through her lumpectomy on Thursday and was up and about yesterday.
*  My survivor sister, Wendi T., doesn't have to take her last round of chemo which was scheduled for Monday.
*  Seeing and catching up with my survivor sister, Leslie, as well as seeing, Donna, a long time friend.
*  Only 11 radiation treatments remaining.
*  New grand baby will be here May 30.
*  The rain we got yesterday.  Unfortunately my my son in law's shed he was building, blew over.  Damage unknown at this time.
*  Mother's Day is tomorrow and I'm here to celebrate with my girls.  I'm so happy that they are Mothers and celebrate this day with me.

Prayer Requests:
*  My friend, Debbie K. who lost her son last week in a horribly tragic auto accident.
*  My survivor sister, Wendy L. in Amarillo, as she continues through her chemo treatments.
*  My survivor sister, Michelle, as she continues with her final chemo treatments.
*  Anyone who has recently found out they have a dreadful disease.
*  My remaining radiation treatments.

Thank you for your continued prayer, support and love.  I continue to say that I am blessed beyond measure.

John 1:16  From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.

Blessed ...

gkmorrison12@gmail.com

Decisions ... We All Have Them to Make!

PRAISE THE LORD for every second/minute/hour/day, every situation, every blessing ...

Give Him the Praise  

I feel sad for folks who on Monday morning come to work and wish it was already Friday.  Don't get me wrong ... Fridays are good as they mean two days of no real schedules, no deadlines to speak of, a time for our bodies and minds to rest, however, there are so many blessings to be found in the other six days of the week.  I am happy for every day, hour, minute, second of the day that I am here.  I look out my office window and see how blessed I am.  At home I walk outside and look around at the trees, grass, my garden, flowers and know that God made all these things and they are beautiful.  My decision is to be happy no matter what the day, what the situation, where I'm at ... I chose to not wish for Friday ... I chose to make the most of the moment I am living.  I have a decision to make every morning before I get out of bed ... I chose God, life, love and to see all the blessings that surround me.

I have made the decision to stop the Celebrax that I was given for my hip pain.  I have taken the medicine for six days which I feel is plenty of time for it have gotten in my body and help with my hip pain.  I cannot tell you that it has helped much at all.  I believe the side effects are too great to continue with not any real results. My hips continue to hurt after I sit for awhile but if I take my time when I stand and let the pain settle before I step, I am OK.  My decision is not to take the Celebrax.

My decision when I found out I had breast cancer was to fight.  I did not know what was to come but I knew that when I put my 'boxing gloves' on ... there was no taking them off.  I made the decision to not do reconstruction surgery early on and then especially after I talked to my surgeon about getting the tumor borders clean.  I wanted her to get all the cancer and surrounding area.   After that decision came the decision for treatment.  Dr. Y, my Oncologist, showed me the statistics for survival if I did this treatment or that treatment.  There were about three options and I 'chose' to take the chemo, radiation and estrogen inhibitor option.  I was not told that this is the plan Dr. Y had laid out for me ... I was given the options and I made the choice.  My decision was the full gamut of treatment and I am thankful I did and I am more thankful that I am almost complete with the first two areas of treatment.  The third and fourth will be the hysterectomy and the estrogen inhibitor that I will take for the next five years.

I made the choice to embrace going bald.  Did I want to lose all my hair?  Absolutely not but I knew it was going to happen so I embraced it.  After about four days of wearing those wigs, I said ... I can't do this and from that day to this, I have never put one of them on.  During the winter months, I wore toboggans or my cap.  My choice was not to let losing my hair define who I was.  I see people sneak a peek at me or look at me and then do a double take ... doesn't bother me.  If I see them do that ... I speak to them.  I get on an elevator at work and I embrace the people on there ... I break the ice ... because so many times, people look down at the floor and won't look at me.  I say to myself ... pooey on that.  I talk to them and let them know I am human and I am OK ... I'm a person who lost their hair due to chemo.  I made the choice to embrace the situation of losing my hair and I've made the most of it.  Do you know how many doors my baldness has opened and allowed me to share our Lord?  Many many opportunities and I try never to miss a single one.

Another decision I made when I found out I had cancer was how I would walk my journey.  I had yet another choice to make.  I could walk it with my head down and an 'oh whoa is me' attitude or I could hold my head up and face it head on.  My choice was the later and I know by making that choice, my journey has been much easier.  I am not a 'down in the dumps' type person and I just can't imagine being down in the dumps through this journey ... that's a long time to be down in the dumps ... and it's NOT for me!  My choice was to have a good attitude and it has made things much more bearable.

Last but never ever least has been my choice to follow my Lord and do what He tells me to do.  He has been the rock that I leaned on so many times while on my journey.  He has carried me through the troubled waters when I could not carry myself.  He has loved me even during those bad after chemo days when I know I was not lovable.  He assured me there were brighter days ahead and to keep my eyes on Him.  My choice was and is always to follow my Lord.

We all have decisions to make in life.  Sometimes decisions are not easy ... many are very hard.  I suggest today that you pray about all decisions and follow God's will.  He will give you answers ... not necessarily yes or no because sometimes He says 'wait'.  Decide to open your ears to His answers.

I am so thankful that I am where I am today.  I feel good, I am on the road back to my 'new normal', I know God has a plan for me and I know He knows every minute as to what is going to happen to me.  That is very reassuring.  Trust Him ... let Him lead you in making your decisions.

Psalm 23

Common English Bible (CEB)

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

23 The Lord is my shepherd.
    I lack nothing.
² He lets me rest in grassy meadows;
    he leads me to restful waters;
³         he keeps me ^[a] alive.
He guides me in proper paths
    for the sake of his good name.

⁴ Even when I walk through the darkest valley,
    I fear no danger because you are with me.
Your rod and your staff—
    they protect me.

⁵ You set a table for me
    right in front of my enemies.
You bathe my head in oil;
    my cup is so full it spills over!
⁶ Yes, goodness and faithful love
    will pursue me all the days of my life,
    and I will live^[b] in the Lord’s house
    as long as I live.

I want to share with you the cutest picture that was posted on Facebook.  The saying below is my greatest desire for the future of women (and men).

I ask you today to
Support Breast Cancer causes.
Let's find a cure so our grand babies
never have to endure this dreadful
disease.  

Blessings abound for us all.  Be thankful.  Make wise decisions.  I'm praying for you today.


gkmorrison12@gmail.com

Shower or Sprinkle ???

Saturday morning was spent cleaning the house.  I am happy to report that between Alicia and I, everything got swept, vacummed, and dusted.  Praise the Lord

Yesterday afternoon some of Bonnie's friends and family gave her and Buddy a 'sprinkle' for the new baby.  A sprinkle is a mild version of a shower ... great idea.  Long time good friends, Bruce and Greta, were there and we got to catch up.  There was a cook-out and it was lots of fun.  The grand babies got to play in the water and they loved it.  I, of course, had to take some video and, of course, have to share with you all.  I cannot wait for grand baby number 3 to get here.

Praises:
*  The awesomeness of being a Grammy.
*  Seeing good friends and getting to catch up yesterday.
*  Getting to paint my toe nails again.  It's been eight months.  Medical reasons for not.
*  Watching my garden grow.
*  My new sprinkler system that I devised.  <smile>
*  So many more things that I am thankful for.

Prayer Requests:
*  Long time friend who has been diagnosed with early state invasive ductal carcinoma.  She will have a lumpectomy on Thursday and if there is no lymph node invasion, she will only have to take radiation.
*  My survivor sister, Wendi T. who continues to struggle with her final rounds of Taxol chemo.
*  My friend, Patti, as she continues to heal from a stomach issue she has had.
*  I have developed a rash in the top part of my radiation area.  It itches.  I pray this nothing so that I can get finished with the radiation treatments on time ... before my grandbaby #3 is born.
*  All those diagnosed with a dreadful disease.

Blessed and praying many blessings for you today.
gkmorrison12@gmail.com

Radiation and Garden Update ... and more

Radiation is going well this week ... today was my 10 treatment and that means there are only 23 remaining treatments.  The radiation ends May 29 and my new grand baby is scheduled to be delivered May 30.  God is so good.  So now a  little more about my radiation treatments.  Have you ever heard a trainer tell someone they are training  ... Feel The Burn ... ?   I have a new take on that saying ... I am beginning to FEEL THE BURN.  The left side of my chest and under my left arm is where my radiation is applied.  Dr. C told me there would be a build up affect of the radiation and after about two weeks, I would begin feeling the results.  Well I am!  It's not bad though ... primarily tender.  I think I am more concerned with the fatigue the radiation can cause because that means my energy level drops and that does not make me happy because I like to have my energy.  I am not going to let it get me down though ... I made it through chemo, I can make it through radiation.

My garden is growing and growing.  I don't remember if I reported that I have cucumbers.  Little baby cucumbers.  They are funny looking when they start growing, matter of fact I didn't know that it was a cucumber, I thought it was part of the vine.  <smile>  ... well I've never grown cucumbers before.  My tomato plants are full of tomatoes.  I'm watching all my little darlings close because when they get a hint of red on them, I'm picking them to put in the kitchen window to ripen ... picking them to beat the mockingbirds from pecking them and ruining them for the rest of us.  <smile>  I love my birds but we may have to have a 'come to Jesus' meeting if they start pecking my tomatoes.  I have to admit that I have become very protective of my little garden.

I am happy to report that work is going well.  Might I add that by the end of the week, I'm exhausted.  I want to start walking again on a regular basis ... I need to start walking again ... it helps my energy level.  Note to self ... get up and get away from your desk and go walk.

One day at lunch I was able to listen to Pastor Robert Morris' sermon titled --- Ten Deadly Sins (with our mouth). If you have 30 minutes, take a listen ... http://gatewaypeople.com/sermons  God can only bless us if our mouths line up with His word.

I am having dinner with two sweet retired NWS friends tonight.  I can't wait. It will be good fellowship and food.

Closing today with a happy thankful heart.  In the past two days, God has provided me with more opportunities to share my journey about Him and my breast cancer journey.  My prayer is that people reading this blog, gain strength, comfort, knowledge and most of all that they know that they do not have to walk their journey alone.  God will walk with them just like He walks with me ... every day and every night ... through all my treatments, appointments, reports ... all of it ... He is with me.

Praises:
*  The love of my God.  No matter my circumstance, He never leaves me.
*  Opportunities provided this week to share my blog.
*  Feeling good.
*  Only 23 radiation treatments remaining.
*  Positive attitude.
*  Hearing from my survivor sisters this.  Lunch on Friday with one of them.
*  My new grand baby will be here before we know it.
*  So so much more.

Prayer Request:
*  One of my survivor sisters is still having some issues with her chemo.  Please pray for W. T.
*  Another survivor sister is taking early rounds of chemo.  Please pray for W. L.
*  Unspoken prayer request.  God knows.
*  Anyone recently diagnosed with breast cancer or another life changing disease.

Blessings!

gkmorrison12@gmail.com

Harboring vs Letting It Go !!!

Webster defines the word 1) 'harbor' (noun) a place of security and comfort; and 2) 'harbor' (verb)  a part of a body of water protected and deep enough to furnish anchorage.  Today I want to talk about the noun of 'harbor'.  Something that has weighed heavy on my mind since my diagnosis is how for many years and for whatever reason, I harbored ill feelings towards people who had hurt me or said something I didn't like or want to hear.  And now when I look at the definition of the word harbor as a noun, that means a place of security and comfort,  I ask myself, how in the world can harboring ill feelings towards someone mean a place of security and comfort?  Does it mean that if I do not let that person or persons who hurt me back in to my life that I have found security and comfort?  Has it made me feel better to continue holding a grudge because one time someone hurt me by what they said or didn't say, what they did or didn't do, excluded me from a function, etc?   Sometimes people do not know they have hurt us and yes, there are times that people do know they have but holding grudges only allows the devil to slip in and whisper in your ear ... 'remember when so and so said this or so and so did that ... remember how it made you feel'?  I say ... slap the devil off your shoulder and let it go.  The longer we hold a grudge, the harder it is to let it go.  

I have learned by acknowledging the issue, I have a choice to make ...  move forward or stay there harboring those ill feelings.  I have tried communicating with the person(s) whom I have been in conflict with and to understand the other persons point of view.  This didn't mean I had to agree with them but trying never hurts.  In the long run, does an apology make it better?  Aren't we just wanting the person to acknowledge our hurt feelings?  Often times I have discovered that the person I was in conflict with had moved on and never thought twice about the issue.  Holding on to a grudge, drains you physically and emotionally.  Rehashing the incident, I have found keeps the embers burning and those old hurt feelings resurface and the devil gets back up on my shoulder and whispers in my ear so that I continue to live the hurt over and over again.  Forgiveness sometimes is a hard thing to do especially if you have been deeply hurt but I believe that it is truly the only way to let go and have peace.

My story ....

I have a long time friend, a person I have known most of my life.  We started elementary school together and went all the way through graduation of high school and the years here after.  We  stayed in contact but were not shopping buddies or anything ... friends.   After my breast cancer diagnosis, I never heard from my friend.  Nothing!  Months later, I got a text message from this person that said something like ... I haven't bothered you through your whole ordeal but wanted you to know I have prayed for you.  Quite frankly I was hurt because I didn't know about your surgery until the day of.  My response was ...  REALLY?   I have been fighting for my life and you were HURT because you didn't know about my surgery?  Needless to say, I thought this was about the most selfish thing I had ever heard and I was upset and mad.  Oh you know what I'm talking about ... you have probably at one time or another had a similar reaction to something someone has said to you.  Side Note - When you are diagnosed with breast cancer, you really only want your immediate family to be there to talk to at the time.  Perhaps this person did not know that.  After much thought, I ask myself ... why am I harboring these ill feelings?  This person is a longtime friend and a friend of my family for many years.  So recently I let it go.  Does it take the sting away from what was said ... No ... but there's always bee balm to help that sting.  How can I not forgive when Jesus forgave me?  I do not have the energy to even 'want' to harbor ill feelings toward someone much less have the energy to 'do' it.  I know this person realized that perhaps what they said was hurtful and I know that they would not intentionally hurt me.  Praise the Lord that He alone has brought me to the place that I can forgive when someone upsets my little apple cart.  I do not like having ill feelings toward someone, it drags me down.  

So today ... I say if you are harboring ill feelings toward someone, let it go.  Bring back the peace and joy in your life.  Get rid of the emotional and physical strain on your health ... yes, these types of things bring your health down.  Knock that trouble making devil off your shoulder, step on him,  and move forward.  

I write with love and compassion as I walk the human walk just like you.  I am not exempt from hurt and pain but I can chose a different path on my life journey ... the path to 'let it go' in order to find the joy God intends for me to have.  I'm blessed and I know it.  God has taught me so much while on this journey ... I'm so thankful.

Matthew 6:14-15  "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But, if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

  

Blessings!  

gkmorrison12@gmail.com

I know ...

... My Redeemer Lives.  This song is great and lifting my spirits.  If you have never heard it ... click the following link:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9p4G2GbPYQA    You may have to get through the ads but it is worth the wait.

I took today off for the antibiotics to have 72 hours of getting in my system.  If bronchitis and sinus infection were not enough, I took the dog outside and some pollen from some where got going in the right side of my nose and my right eye ... runny nose and watery eye *not both eyes *  Praise the Lord.  Sometimes I feel that my spirit is being tested but I refuse to fail the test.  I know that what ever I am going through right now ... there are others going through much worse so I will not park on my feelings but chose to pray for others.

I went to radiation this morning and that went well.  It was my day to see Dr. C. and once again he assured me that in a week or so my skin would begin showing the signs of the radiation with the burn.  I guess they truly just want you to be prepared.  With God's help, I have battled the chemo dragons and I know with His continued love, I can battle the radiation dragons also.

Job 19:25-26 ... I know that my redeemer lives, and in the end He will stand on the earth.  And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh, I will see God.

Praises:
*  Knowing that I will feel better.
*  Knowing there are people praying for me and others.
*  Knowing that My Redeemer Lives.

Prayer Request:
*  Long time friends have lost a family member.
*  My survivor sisters ... W. L --- W. T --- L. S. --- S. F.  ... who are currently all going through breast cancer treatments.
*  Anyone ... who today will be diagnosed with breast cancer or some other dreadful disease.

Thank you for all your prayers ... not for just me but all that I add to my blog.  Prayer is such a powerful thing.

Blessed !!!

gkmorrison12@gmail.com

Radiation Round 1 ... Only 32 To Go ...

Radiation started yesterday morning ... four chest x-rays and then the radiation.  Because the machine does both, I didn't know when the x-rays stopped and the radiation began.  But first, I was put on the table and my left chest was exposed.  There were measurements taken, lines drawn, my body adjusted by  the sheet I was laying on, there was music playing and everyone was so nice.  Was I scared ... not scared but apprehensive.  When we do not know what to expect, we can get that way.

To begin ... The music was an Alan Jackson DVD of old gospel hymns.  When I got in the room, the Old Rugged Cross was playing ... I don't remember what was the next song as there was talking and adjusting going on.  I immediately thanked God for the music which seemed to soothe my soul and I knew His presence, as always, was in that room.

Once I was all adjusted, marked and given my instructions to lay still, the techs left the room and shut the door.  Emotion overtook me as I lay there praying, listening to the gospel hymns I love so very much ... and tears began to slip out of my eyes.  I wanted to sob but my instructions were to lay very still so I couldn't sob.  Why ... you may be asking as to the emotion ... I cannot answer that.  I remember a thought that ran through my mind ... how did this happen?  There is not an answer to that question and I didn't park on the question ... instead I praised my Lord as to how far I have come and kept in mind ... only 32 more radiation treatments to go.

While this huge machine was over my body doing I didn't know what ... Alan Jackson started singing ... In the Garden ... the tears really flowed then as I thought about how much my Mother loved that song.  I laid there thinking about her and the radiation treatments she took on her brain and lungs and wondered how she felt many years ago.

When the treatment was complete, the door opens and my two techs taking care of me, Vanessa and Billy, popped back in ... one on each side of the table and offered me their hands and helped me up.  I had to ask when the radiation treatment actually took place and Billy explained that to me so at least I knew when the machine was in the side positions, that was the radiation.  I thanked them all and went to moisturize my chest, get dressed and back to work I went.  The remaining treatments will be at 6:00am and then I will head to work.  I'm praising the Lord ... there are only 32 treatments remaining.

My friend at work, Mike, made me a hummingbird cake (similar to Italian cream cake) and brought it in yesterday as a celebration of my completion of chemo.  Mike had told me about the cake when I was in the office one day (before my hospitalization in January) and it sounded good.  He said he would make me one when I wanted.   I wanted to be able to taste it so we decided when I was finished  with my chemo.  It was so yummy and such a sweet celebration with my co-workers/friends.

The week has gone well at work.  Monday and Tuesday I was really tired when I got home but as the week wore on, I began to fall back in to the morning routine and the days work in the office.  Yes, I'm blessed.

Today I am off and of course have lots to do.  6:00am radiation - 7:00am get Tootie to the groomer - at some point get the oil changed in my Highlander - clean house - laundry (never ending) - make Strolling for Grammy posters for my grand babies strollers for the Race for the Cure walk tomorrow - take a blouse back to Kohl's - go to Kelly Moore and get samples of paint for the exterior of my house and many other things.  I am happy to have the energy and be able to be out and about.

The garden is growing so well.  I need to get updated pictures.  I also need to get MORE potting soil and get some more flower seeds planted in pots for the arbor trellis I put by the patio.  My sister has hired our friend, Justin, to mow and keep our yards for right now.  It was such a blessing to come home on Wednesday and my yard be done ... front and back.  I have also gotten the bid for the gutters and a bid from a painter to paint my house.  I am going to do both ... just not sure of the sequence I should be doing this.  I will figure it out.

I must get going now.  It's 5:00am and I still need to get dressed and be ready to leave for radiation at 5:30am.  I am happy my internet is working and I can update my blog when I want.  Do you remember the business cards I had printed ... the ones with the word HOPE on the front?  I realized yesterday I had put the wrong url for my blog site ... I used www instead of http: ... I just pray that the people I gave the cards to were able to find the blog.  I am having these reprinted today.

Praising the Lord for answer to the unspoken prayer request yesterday.  God is so good.  Thank you Lord.

Blessed and praying blessings for you as you continue to read my story.

genam44@charter.net