Harboring vs Letting It Go !!!

Webster defines the word 1) 'harbor' (noun) a place of security and comfort; and 2) 'harbor' (verb)  a part of a body of water protected and deep enough to furnish anchorage.  Today I want to talk about the noun of 'harbor'.  Something that has weighed heavy on my mind since my diagnosis is how for many years and for whatever reason, I harbored ill feelings towards people who had hurt me or said something I didn't like or want to hear.  And now when I look at the definition of the word harbor as a noun, that means a place of security and comfort,  I ask myself, how in the world can harboring ill feelings towards someone mean a place of security and comfort?  Does it mean that if I do not let that person or persons who hurt me back in to my life that I have found security and comfort?  Has it made me feel better to continue holding a grudge because one time someone hurt me by what they said or didn't say, what they did or didn't do, excluded me from a function, etc?   Sometimes people do not know they have hurt us and yes, there are times that people do know they have but holding grudges only allows the devil to slip in and whisper in your ear ... 'remember when so and so said this or so and so did that ... remember how it made you feel'?  I say ... slap the devil off your shoulder and let it go.  The longer we hold a grudge, the harder it is to let it go.  

I have learned by acknowledging the issue, I have a choice to make ...  move forward or stay there harboring those ill feelings.  I have tried communicating with the person(s) whom I have been in conflict with and to understand the other persons point of view.  This didn't mean I had to agree with them but trying never hurts.  In the long run, does an apology make it better?  Aren't we just wanting the person to acknowledge our hurt feelings?  Often times I have discovered that the person I was in conflict with had moved on and never thought twice about the issue.  Holding on to a grudge, drains you physically and emotionally.  Rehashing the incident, I have found keeps the embers burning and those old hurt feelings resurface and the devil gets back up on my shoulder and whispers in my ear so that I continue to live the hurt over and over again.  Forgiveness sometimes is a hard thing to do especially if you have been deeply hurt but I believe that it is truly the only way to let go and have peace.

My story ....

I have a long time friend, a person I have known most of my life.  We started elementary school together and went all the way through graduation of high school and the years here after.  We  stayed in contact but were not shopping buddies or anything ... friends.   After my breast cancer diagnosis, I never heard from my friend.  Nothing!  Months later, I got a text message from this person that said something like ... I haven't bothered you through your whole ordeal but wanted you to know I have prayed for you.  Quite frankly I was hurt because I didn't know about your surgery until the day of.  My response was ...  REALLY?   I have been fighting for my life and you were HURT because you didn't know about my surgery?  Needless to say, I thought this was about the most selfish thing I had ever heard and I was upset and mad.  Oh you know what I'm talking about ... you have probably at one time or another had a similar reaction to something someone has said to you.  Side Note - When you are diagnosed with breast cancer, you really only want your immediate family to be there to talk to at the time.  Perhaps this person did not know that.  After much thought, I ask myself ... why am I harboring these ill feelings?  This person is a longtime friend and a friend of my family for many years.  So recently I let it go.  Does it take the sting away from what was said ... No ... but there's always bee balm to help that sting.  How can I not forgive when Jesus forgave me?  I do not have the energy to even 'want' to harbor ill feelings toward someone much less have the energy to 'do' it.  I know this person realized that perhaps what they said was hurtful and I know that they would not intentionally hurt me.  Praise the Lord that He alone has brought me to the place that I can forgive when someone upsets my little apple cart.  I do not like having ill feelings toward someone, it drags me down.  

So today ... I say if you are harboring ill feelings toward someone, let it go.  Bring back the peace and joy in your life.  Get rid of the emotional and physical strain on your health ... yes, these types of things bring your health down.  Knock that trouble making devil off your shoulder, step on him,  and move forward.  

I write with love and compassion as I walk the human walk just like you.  I am not exempt from hurt and pain but I can chose a different path on my life journey ... the path to 'let it go' in order to find the joy God intends for me to have.  I'm blessed and I know it.  God has taught me so much while on this journey ... I'm so thankful.

Matthew 6:14-15  "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But, if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

  

Blessings!  

gkmorrison12@gmail.com