Tonight it was so weird how something sucker punched me right in the gut. My daughter and grand daughter who lives with me came in from work and they were wearing two of the hats I had collected during chemo. They looked absolutely precious ... each with their own little style. I made a comment to Alicia that I was glad I had kept the hats because winter was coming and wearing them this year would be totally different than wearing them last year. Last winter I was going through chemo and it was necessary for me to wear hats because I did not have any hair but I thought this year it would be different because I would not be wearing the hats because of chemo but rather because I wanted to. Alicia came in my room and was trying some of the hats on so I thought I would join her. The first hat I put on I had actually never worn ... cute little felt type hat with felt flower embellishment ... so cute and the color is green (my favorite). I put the hat on and I couldn't stand it ... the way it looked ... it hid all my newly grown hair and the memory of chemo came flooding back and I pulled it off and left the room. There was a sick feeling boiling up in my stomach and the rush of memories was too much. It was strange the way the feelings came back the way they did. The hat took me to a place that I didn't want to be. At this point I sincerely doubt I try the hats again ... I don't know we will see. In the meantime I will enjoy the hair that I have and I've made the decision to do something with the color. I had been a blonde for so many years before chemo and now my hair is so dark and needs some .... some .... something. Stay tuned ....
The side effect of the Arimidex (estrogen inhibitor) continues giving me pain in my joints. Generally on a daily basis I handle the pain well but today it was worse. Yesterday at work they did a fire drill which means I had to walk down 10 flights of stairs. I did just fine but during the night which is when my joints start getting stiff due to inactivity, my knees and ankles hurt rather bad. Before I get out of bed in the mornings, I work both my knees and my ankles ... it's like getting them oiled so that I can ... first get out of bed and stand up and second be able to walk. Walking quickly when I first get up just doesn't happen and this morning my steps were more like scoots across the floor until the stiffness eased up a bit. I try not to complain because I know this is something I will live with for at least the next four years. As I mentioned yesterday when I did my Breast Cancer Awareness presentation ... people often think when the last chemo treatment is finished ... you pop back in to your normal life. Yes, we get our life back ... it's a new normal for us ... but our new normal includes the side affects of the left over chemo in our systems and the drugs that we now have to take. With all that said ... I continue to say that I am blessed and so very thankful for where I am today ... stiff knees, ankles, elbows and all. And I will continue to praise my Lord. 
My trial (sample) contacts come in tomorrow and I'm so excited. They are reading contacts which should eliminate all the glasses I have everywhere around the house. It's so annoying. I reckon age has caught up with my eyes. OUCH!
Don't forget ... early voting is going on right now ... GO VOTE!
---------------------------------->>>
As I mentioned in previous post, Kristina on the show Parenthood is going through breast cancer. Someone told me today that Monica Potter who portrays Kristina on the show actually had a scare that involved breast cancer and she ask the producers to write breast cancer into the script so she could help educate others on the disease. I have added this weeks episode if you care to watch it. It is truly like this show is telling my breast cancer journey. You have to get through the 45 second commercial and the previous show clips before the clip starts.
As I close tonight I want to say ... I'm so blessed and thankful to be where I am today. The aches and pains are minor daily interruptions and nothing I cannot handle. I know there are folks in world who are journeying down much bigger and rougher roads than I and I pray for them.
Blessed and praying blessings for you.
genam44@charter.net
No comments:
Post a Comment